Finding a couple’s counselor can feel like an overwhelming task. The counselor needs to be a good fit with both partners and needs to have an outlook that works for the couple. Beginning in the first session I seek to help both partners feel comfortable and emotionally safe enough to explore the difficult issues that tend to bring people to couples counseling. I use a "systems" approach which basically assumes that each partner shares in the problem and also in its solution. There are no victims and no villains in this approach. I serve as the therapist to the relationship, rather than to either individual; so my role is to help coach the partners to discover new ways of relating that are more likely to aid each one is getting his/her emotional needs met in a healthy, sustainable way.

Common problems that couples seek help with are:  Excessive arguing, feeling "stuck" on certain issues that they believe they can not resolve, and specific concerns like infidelity or alcoholism. I help couples with these difficulties by working with them to explore the emotional meaning of the conflict, that is, helping them become aware of influences from the past have lead to this present situation, clarifying each partner's perception the present situation, and finally illuminating each partner's  goals  for the future. I then work to move the couple toward those goals by helping them enhance their communication, problem solving, and conflict resolution skills; and by facilitating healthy progress through the developmental stages of a relationship.